You know getting older doesn't bother me...I will be 40 next saturday, okay there I said it.
40....FORTY....CUARENTA....FOR-OH....yes, me.....40.
and honestly it really, really, really doesn't bother me.
For starters...
I am in the BEST physical shape i've been in......since highschool...
I look better than I have...since highschool....
I FEEL better than I have....since highschool...
I have a husband that loves me no matter what I look like....
I have two amazing children that love me, no matter what...
and I have friends that support me, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
and I have a God that loves me more than any of the above...He always has and He always will.
All that aside.. 40 isn't bothering me in the least....BUT....
My baby turned 7 on thursday, I should be happy, thrilled and elated, but I wasn't.
I couldn't shake the sadness that literally flooded my heart....
it consumed me, it ate at me, it
Dont know why but it did.....
for those of you who dont know me, 16 years ago this past thursday, I lost my only sister to a silly and totally unavoidable car accident....wont go into that.... She was 22, I was 23..almost 24.... a year minus 6 days after her death, my mom died.
Marla died Feb 25, 2004..........Cooper was born on the same date marla died, 9 years later....he nearly died in childbirth.....Mom died Feb 19, 2005
I think the combination of what Gregg calls a "major milestone" of turning 40, he would know he did nearly 8 years ago ;o) and the rememberance of my great losses and my baby's birthday is what has contributed towards my "funk"....maybe so....
So I wanted to write to my mom and my sister to let them know I am proud to be turning 40....Marla didn't even really get her 20's started, so sis I am wearin 40 with PRIDE for you. Mom...I am healthy....I'm fit and athletic and doing REALLY GOOD....I'm thinner than I was when I got married, got pregnant, lost you both. I know you both are proud of me, I KNOW you are. I miss you both dearly, I will and can overcome this funk...I have the best husband and group of friend trying to help me (M especially) and I know you are both proud of me. You should see my two boys....they are beautiful beyond measure, they love us and they love God....they know who you both are....and like me they think it "sucks big ones" that you aren't here.
I love you both, always have, always will....you're never far from my thoughts or my heart. I will turn 40 with pride and joy and think of the party you would be giving me if you were still here....I will toast you on saturday and feel you in my heart as I become the best 40 year old that I can....and it's all thanks to you both. You've helped me see the good in people and most importanty that life is too short to hold grudges or be petty....I love you and miss you both.
Whew..........I feel better already.
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