Wow

Wow...time flies.....

my oldest turns 12 in a month, I remember the day he was first realized as a dream come true, MY dream, MY desire.....he is a gift from God, MY gift and I love him so.

Will time ever slow down?

I will take the time NOW to enjoy them now, before another 12 years pass and he's in love with someone other than his mom....

My children are my gift, my heart and soul, what I live for.  I couldn't imagine life without either one of my boys.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with the best title ever, MOTHER.

Old McGrumpy had a farm.....

okay im done being grumpy....
life has delt lemons, guess its time to make lemonade!

here's to a lot of lemonade.

happy tuesday.

Nearly a year...

It's been nearly a year since I posted last, wow I guess we've been that busy. 

They boys are growing up and it's so sad...I have so many "I wish I would haves"

guess I need to start doing more now before that list grows even larger...

what do you do when you find yourself feeling that way?

does the sense of regret ever go away?

I hope my boys know that regardless of what I have or haven't done they are loved and cherished and the most amazing things that have ever happened to me...bar none!!

Hope you have a happy Monday and try to live your life should have-free!  I'm going to try.

Actions "DO" speak louder......

My hunny has been gone for three days, I dont think we've been apart this long in the 20 years we've been married....honestly I dont think we have....we've had the occasional "long weekend" but not 5 1/2 days...and with NO communication for 3 of those days...that's been the hardest part.

It's been a relatively easy time, the boys for the most part have been awesome, we've had some great cuddling time at bedtime, great times together doing all sorts of things, we've been busy. 

However, this time alone has made me realize that it IS our actions that speak louder than words.
People who love me have called, emailed, texted or made some effort to reach out to me to be sure the boys and I are ok.  It is to those people, my friends....true friends and family that I am most grateful TO and FOR.

Thank you for the calls and messages just to check on us and make sure we are doing ok.  I am eternally grateful for you, for it is friends and family like you that mean the most, that are a blessing to have.

Thank you for your actions.

Happy Birthday Coop

I can't believe my baby is 7............

Happy Birthday to the cutest 7 year old I know. 

Birthday party pics to follow soon.

Emotional Rollercoaster...................

OMG......I hate that saying but oh my does it fit the week i've had......

You know getting older doesn't bother me...I will be 40 next saturday, okay there I said it.

40....FORTY....CUARENTA....FOR-OH....yes, me.....40.

and honestly it really, really, really doesn't bother me.

For starters...
I am in the BEST physical shape i've been in......since highschool...
I look better than I have...since highschool....
I FEEL better than I have....since highschool...
I have a husband that loves me no matter what I look like....
I have two amazing children that love me, no matter what...
and I have friends that support me, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
and I have a God that loves me more than any of the above...He always has and He always will.

All that aside.. 40 isn't bothering me in the least....BUT....

My baby turned 7 on thursday, I should be happy, thrilled and elated, but I wasn't.
I couldn't shake the sadness that literally flooded my heart....
it consumed me, it ate at me, it tore whipped my emotions all day thursday and even today....

Dont know why but it did.....

for those of you who dont know me, 16 years ago this past thursday, I lost my only sister to a silly and totally unavoidable car accident....wont go into that....  She was 22, I was 23..almost 24.... a year minus 6 days after her death, my mom died.
Marla died Feb 25, 2004..........Cooper was born on the same date marla died, 9 years later....he nearly died in childbirth.....Mom died Feb 19, 2005

I think the combination of what Gregg calls a "major milestone" of turning 40, he would know he did nearly 8 years ago ;o) and the rememberance of my great losses and my baby's birthday is what has contributed towards my "funk"....maybe so....

So I wanted to write to my mom and my sister to let them know I am proud to be turning 40....Marla didn't even really get her 20's started, so sis I am wearin 40 with PRIDE for you.  Mom...I am healthy....I'm fit and athletic and doing REALLY GOOD....I'm thinner than I was when I got married, got pregnant, lost you both. I know you both are proud of me, I KNOW you are.  I miss you both dearly, I will and can overcome this funk...I have the best husband and group of friend trying to help me (M especially)  and I know you are both proud of me.  You should see my two boys....they are beautiful beyond measure, they love us and they love God....they know who you both are....and like me they think it "sucks big ones" that you aren't here. 

 I love you both, always have, always will....you're never far from my thoughts or my heart.  I will turn 40 with pride and joy and think of the party you would be giving me if you were still here....I will toast you on saturday and feel you in my heart as I become the best 40 year old that I can....and it's all thanks to you both.  You've helped me see the good in people and most importanty that life is too short to hold grudges or be petty....I love you and miss you both.

Whew..........I feel better already.

Winter Vacation.......family style!!

This past year has been quite a challenging one to say the least. We've struggled financially (yes along with the majority of the world) but for us its been a hard, hard blow.....

No eating out, no movies just because, no toes painted, or cuticles manicured....but the hardest part has been the total lack of a family vacation. That is until now.....

Gatlinburg, Tennessee take hold because here we come, ready or not. We've rented a cabin with some dear friends. Our two kids will have their two kids.....we'll have bunk beds, 42" plasma in the GAME ROOM!!! Hot tub, pin ball machine, air hockey table and foosball oh yeah and an XBox 360.....so stay tuned lots of pictures to follow!!

Oh yeah and the best part is that there SNOW on the ground with more coming!!! Wooohooooo